Me too!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
