...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
