I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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