Can Purell be used as lube?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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