my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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