Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
