we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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