We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
