apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
