he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
