anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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