I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
