He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
