There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize