so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize