swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
