Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
