i think my tv is drunk
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
