last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
