as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
