hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize