Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
