He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize