i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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