ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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