Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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