The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
