that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize