Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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