do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
