just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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