I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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