Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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