I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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