Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize