I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
