Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
found the other keg... it's in the tree
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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