remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
