Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
