I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
