i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
