Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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