im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize