I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
