Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
