He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
