tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
