Just took my morning after pill in the library
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize