Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
