Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
