So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
