I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Sober January is a disaster.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
