I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
