I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
