your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
