just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
