you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
