I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
