Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
