I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
