Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
