Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
