out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
