His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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