next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
