Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
