Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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