Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
