OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
