What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
