we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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